Interview: “A Queer Perspective on Straight Men’s Woes” w/ Cathy Reisenwitz
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Welcome to Third Cultured, a newsletter about Queer people in diplomacy, politics, and war from the perspective of Kyle Borland (he/they). My goal is to highlight all the ways today is different (and not so) from yesterday.
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This edition:
“A Queer Perspective on Straight Men’s Woes” w/ Cathy Reisenwitz
A List of LGBTQ+ Wins
Anti-LGBTQ+ Laws/Violence in the US and around the world
Monkeypox and Gay/Bi Men’s Public Health
Links, Quotes & Gay Shit
“A Queer Perspective on Straight Men’s Woes”
As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I spoke with Cathy Reisenwitz at Sex and the State to discuss what is wrong with American-born men and why is the affliction not affecting gay/bi men in the same way. I had a blast talking with Cathy, especially with it being my first podcast/video interview.
I’d love to keep the discussion going and am considering doing more audio/visual content, in addition to my essays, so listen/read/watch and let me know your thoughts!
Here is my favorite chunk from the interview:
Feminism allowed women to be anything they want. We really need an ongoing conversation like you're doing and for everybody else to start contributing to it, but especially for men to be involved in it.
What are the different kinds of masculinity? We have soft bi boy masculinity. That's super popular right now. Everybody wants one. You’ve got positive masculinity. You got Mr. Rogers out here. You don't have to toss masculinity away in order to leave out certain parts of it, like the aggression, the dominance, the misogyny. You can throw all of that out and still be a man in every way, shape, and form. And honestly, that's what people want from you, especially straight women.
There's a lot of men who are under the impression that they have to be one thing. They talk about alphas all the time. Being the fantasy sci-fi nerd that I am, I just find that to be a complete misunderstanding. They're like, you gotta be a Chad, you gotta be out there and look a certain way.
They've internalized so many bad messages. Get on Twitter and read the threads where they're like, ‘I want a man with a gut. I want my soft bi boy who will watch trashy girly TV with me.’
There's 4 billion women and 4 billion men on this planet. You don't have to be one specific type of guy that gets cast on Fuckboy Island. You don't have to have this perfect body but then also be kind of dumb so that people think that's cute and humorous. Find whatever is you and find how you can be that person. And build other people up. Because I firmly believe that we [men] are meant to support. We are meant to go out and accomplish things and accomplish things for our family, our friends, our society. We're meant to protect ourselves and protect other people, but not so much that you're like overstepping.
An ideal man, to me, is someone who goes out and helps and supports and protects, but leaves enough space so that that person you're helping or those people that you're helping understand when you're gone that they are their own first line of help and support and protection. It’s imbuing people with that sense of security when you're there and when they think about you, so when they can pull that into their own lives.
At the moment, people are really focused on being the leader. But they always forget the part where the leader is supposed to feel everybody's pain. The leader is supposed to care about if one person drops, you failed as a leader. It's not about being Donald Trump or that type of person who's just chauvinistic and putting on displays of power and strength and status. Good Lord. It's really about how are you helping the women in your life? How are you helping the other men in your life? Are you telling people you love them? Are you telling people you missed them? Are you telling people you're there for them?
And at the end of the day, right now, we're not doing that. But I really think conversations like this one and, honestly the growing prevalence of those soft bi boys that I was talking about, gives me a little bit of hope for the future and just kind of giving men more options. Because right now they feel like if they're not an athlete and they're not the gay boys succeeding at school, that they might as well go try and get a job at that furniture store or waste away in their house.
Stay safe and healthy, beautiful people.
As always, thanks for reading.
Kyle (@kgborland)
A List of LGBTQ+ Wins
“Angels” protect LGBTQ students & allies from group of over 100 anti-queer protesters (LGBTQ Nation)
As passage deadline nears, 9 LGBTQ bills sent to CA Gov. Newsom (Bay Area Reporter)
Belgrade Pride vows EuroPride will happen despite threats of violence (LGBTQ Nation)
Best-selling novelist donates $50k to library defunded over books with LGBTQ content (LGBTQ Nation)
Biden administration pumps $20M toward ending HIV epidemic. (Bay Area Reporter)
Biden nominates Labor lawyer nominated for federal court in S.F., where he’d be its only openly gay judge (SF Chronicle)
Canada invests $100M in 'historic' action plan for 2SLGBT communities (CBC)
Caribbean court strikes down ban on “abominable crime of buggery” (LGBTQ Nation)
Cloudflare blocks Kiwi Farms due to an ‘immediate threat to human life’ (The Verge, them)
Democratic Lawmakers & Allies Launch New PAC to Campaign Against Anti-LGBTQ Candidates (The Advocate)
‘Domestic, Unmarried Partnerships or Queer Relationships’ Also Constitute a Family: Indian Supreme Court (The Swaddle)
Florida teens successfully ousted two anti-LGBTQ “lunatics” from a local school board (LGBTQ Nation)
For Singapore’s Gay Men, Repeal of Sex Ban Brings Hope After Years of Pain (NYTimes)
Gay man helps queer families fleeing red states with ‘above ground railroad’ (Pink News)
In the California Desert, LGBTQ Voters Could Sway a Key House Race (NYTimes)
India's LGBT community fights for more visibility (France 24)
Progressive parent found a creative way to stand up to Texas’s “In God we trust” poster law (LGBTQ Nation)
Queer and Trans People Need Our Solidarity Now (Texas Observer)
Teens Are Fighting Back Against LGBTQ Book Bans (Vice)
Tijuana’s Gay Men’s Chorus harnessing the power of music to make LGBT community more visible (San Diego Union–Tribune)
Anti-LGBTQ+ Laws/Violence in the US & around the world
400% Increase in Use of 'grooming' slur on social media (Bay Area Reporter)
A GOP-Appointed Federal Judge Ruled Employers Don’t Need to Cover PrEP Drugs if it ViolatesCompanies’ Religious Beliefs (BuzzFeed News)
After “Don’t Say Gay,” Miami’s School Board May Vote to Not Recognize LGBTQ+ History Month (them)
Alabama schools take down Pride flags, change LGBTQ bathroom access as new law takes effect (AL.com)
Anti-Asian American and Pacific Islander hate crimes affect LGBTQ+ people too (News is Out)
Children’s hospital forced to evacuate after bomb threat over trans kids (LGBTQ Nation)
Cops shoot at LGBTQ protestors during “Straight Pride” after Proud Boys start violence (LGBTQ Nation)
Drag queen story hour at Campbell bookstore interrupted by protesters (Mercury News)
Finland’s prime minister apologizes for “inappropriate” picture of women kissing at her home (LGBTQ Nation)
Gay Man Killed in Texas Prison (The Advocate)
Gay Man ‘Nearly Thrown In River Thames’ In Homophobic Attack Doesn’t Feel Safe In The UK (Lavender)
Germany: 25-year old transgender man dies after Pride event attack (DW)
How a Police Raid Shuttered a Haven for Gay Men (The Advocate)
How DeSantis manipulates the media (Popular Information)
How Targeting LGBTQ+ Rights Are Part of the Authoritarian Playbook (The Advocate)
Iran sentences two gay rights activists to death (Jerusalem Post)
LGBTQ activists in Peru demand autopsy for death in Bali (Star Tribune)
LGBTQ-friendly Katy church sees massive growth despite online hate over its drag shows (Houston Chronicle)
LGBTQ Military Kids Attempted Suicide at Much Higher Rate Than Their Civilian Peers, New Research Finds (Federal News Network, Military.com)
LibsOfTikTok linked to Russian disinformation campaign to stir outrage over LGBTQ rights (LGBTQ Nation)
Mississippi Gov. Tate Reeves was too busy attacking LGBTQ people to fix Jackson’s water problem (LGBTQ Nation)
Nationalists join church protest in Belgrade against Europe's largest LGBT event (Al Jazeera, euronews, Reuters)
Nebraska School Shuts Down Student Newspaper After LGBTQ Publication (NYTimes)
Now rightwing Christians don’t want girls to play sports at all (LGBTQ Nation)
Russia considers doubling fines for 'LGBT propaganda' in new law (Reuters)
Teens were sent to Wyoming ranches for therapy. They say they found a nightmare of hard labor and humiliation. (NBC News)
The Anglican Church’s ‘Kick in the Guts’ to Gay Parishioners (NYTimes)
Twitter account Libs of TikTok blamed for harassment of children’s hospitals (WaPo)
Yeshiva University asks Supreme Court to let it block LGBTQ group (Axios)
United Methodist Church remains fractured over ordaining LGBTQ+ clergy (NPR)
Violence erupts between anti-LGBTQ extremists and anti-fascist counter protestors at Pride event (LGBTQ Nation)
Monkeypox and Gay/Bi Men’s Public Health
21,274 cases in the US and 56,026 cases around the world (CDC)
CA lawmakers OK $41M for monkeypox response (Bay Area Reporter)
How monkeypox spoiled gay men's plans for an invincible summer (NBC News)
Our monkeypox vaccine plan is an experiment. That requires better care. (WashPo)
US to Shift Monkeypox Aid to LGBTQ, Racial Minorities (Bloomberg)
Links, Quotes & Gay Shit
A Brief Political—and Personal—History of Gay Bathhouses (LitHub)
A Museum Sees its Collection Through a Queer Lens (Hyperallergic)
Housing In Brief: Philly Offers A Model For LGBT Senior Housing (Next City)
Lee Pace's Body of Work (GQ)
The New, New Black Gay Renaissance (LitHub)
The Summer Black Queer Music Took Over (Rolling Stone)
There’s Never Been More Queer Representation. So Why Don’t I Love It? (Vanity Fair)
What a Search for Hidden Queer History in Rural Louisiana Reveals About the Deep South (LitHub)
zaddies and they kids (Sweater Weather)